I haven't cried over a book since April 2005 as I finished off Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible, and I was thisclose to crying over the Goblet of Fire, and might have if I was alone and not in a room overtaken by sisters and incessant "make the bed!" and "recesssss" chants that distracted me.
The movie COMPLETELY MISSED THE IMPACT OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT SCENES. (Consider yourself official spoiler alerted from here on out). In the book, Harry has his first battling encounter with Voldemort and it will make you swell with tears. Their wands connect forces and a web encircles them, around which Voldemort's supporters are clambering and yelling. Harry's arm is shaking and he's losing strength. Out of Voldemort's wand comes the ghosts of the last spells that he's performed, which have killed (among others) Harry's classmate, and his parents. They speak to Harry, they guide him, and encourage him. They swirl around, supporting Harry, and sneering and insulting Voldemort. A song from the great wizard Dumbledore's phoenix sounds to Harry as he is losing strength in his arm, and yet this all combines to give him power to move the golden bead between their wand connections closer to Voldemort, and they prepare him for what will happen when the connection is broken and what to do, including his classmate Cedric requesting Harry to take his body back for his parents' sake. (If the summary had any impact on you, imagine reading the pages of prose!)
Wellllll all that was lost on the movie's filmmaker, apparently, because their wands connect for all of a minute, his parents talk to him once, and there's not even a hint of a phoenix song. THAT WAS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT SCENE OF THAT WHOLE DAMN BOOK! And that's not all.
Harry returns in a flash to Hogwarts and in the book, he's screaming about his recent revelation that a Voldemort supporter has infiltrated their school, and refuses to let go of his classmate's dead body that he's brought back, screaming and frightened at what has just happened. In the movie, he lays over the body but allows himself to be removed quickly. When he's taken back to the castle by who turns out to be the Voldemort supporter and Dumbledore realizes this, he STORMS in with such power and force and a look in his eye that it's the FIRST TIME Harry "truly understands why Dumbledore is the only wizard that Voldemort has ever feared". In the movie, Dumbledore scrambles in with two others in tow, practically a three stooges act set to the Benny Hill theme song. Where were the power in these moments? Honestly, if you watched the movies first, I would wonder why you would EVER have any interest in reading the books. The movies are childsplay and the books are powerful. I could go on and on, but what's the point?
As the movie was playing, I had my laptop out to work on a paper and was chatting online with a coworker who is loving re-living the first-time-Harry-Potter experience through me, and I was giving her a play-by-play. Below are excerpt from the live-stream chat as it was happening.
me: i have the goblet of fire onhermione just came down the stairs for the yule ball
so cute!
Coworker: what a mama
me: trying to watch this thing without falling asleep
oh wait
i do have a paper to be working on...
12:59 PM Coworker: ugh i know :( i'm stressed about mine
1:02 PM me: i should be more stressed
1:03 PM but harry potter takes precedence
1:04 PM Coworker: hahah so true
1:15 PM me: btw edward cullen is cedric diggory lolololol
Coworker: i know rite lahaha
1:21 PM me: btw harry potter just sprouted gills, in case you were interested
ive been laying in bed for like an hour and a half and havent touched my story
lulz
1:22 PM Coworker: haha i'm writing an "introduction"
me: wtf are these mer people?
1:24 PM
Coworker: scary mer people
me: i realize harry potter is magical and all, but all the CG is really annoying and distracting
1:25 PM im convinced that the movies dont deserve the harry potter name
they dont do any justice
they should be a generic branded movie
"Wizard Boy"
if we didn't have to compare them to the books they might actually stand a chance
1:27 PM Coworker: really? i think they're not that bad actually
but they're such broad and detailed and imaginative books
| 7 minutes |
1:48 PM me: i cant believe the sphinx isnt in the maze
Coworker: yeah DA FUQ
me: omg omg omg
noooooo
cedric is going to die soon
:'(
Coworker: RIP edward cullen
1:49 PM me: oh edward cullen can rest in unpeace for all i care
but CEDRIC DIGGORY?!
Coworker: poor man
he was such a kind soul
1:50 PM me: voldemort is rising from the cauldron
nasty
looks like an overgrown fetus
1:52 PM i swear i want to remake these movies and cast myself as harry potter
he's such a bad actor
1:54 PM Coworker: hahahah
me: why does voldemort hate harry so much? just because he foiled him?
Coworker: because harry's got a nose
me: it wasn't even harry's fault
lolololol
1:55 PM some men just want to watch the world burn
Coworker: that they do.
me: they're about to battle!
Coworker: DO IT DO IT DO IT
me: i was on the verge of tears when i was reading that
1:56 PM
lily potter was a muggle?
why did i think harry potter was pureblood wizard?
1:57 PM there's too damn much packed in every book, i can't remember everything
Coworker: take notes!
me: DA FUQ does harry use expelliarmus against voldemort when HE JUST LEARNED AVADA KEDAVRA IN SCHOOL THAT YEAR?!!?
1:58 PM what
the?!?!?!?!
that scene was AWFUL
1:59 PM who directed this?!
Coworker: yeah i was always like really harry? expelliarmus? REALLY HARRY?
2:00 PM me:
that scene was the most emotional i had read in YEARS, when they
battled
and the director breezed over all of it and made it some quickie ghosty thing
2:02 PM this is my million dollar idea:
to redo harry potter the RIGHT way
Coworker: :( :( :( oh wait until the last movie
yo'ull cry
2:03 PM me: well maybe thats because DAVID YATES directs that one
and MIKE NEWELL failed on the goblet of fire
2:04 PM this man will receive a strongly worded letter from one miss ME
Coworker: hahahah
me: and dumbledore's entrance?!
harry says he finally understood was dumbledore was the only wizard that snape ever feared
DID THE DIRECTOR EVEN READ THE SCRIPT?!
2:05 PM forget the book, did he READ THE DAMNED SCRIPT?!
snape = voldemort lolololol
Coworker: LoLOoLOLOlOll
me: dumbledore just runs in like he's chasing his tail
that was no entrance
i swear i think this movie was improvised off a super 8 camera
2:07 PM dumbledore just YELLED "voldemort" and no one even reacted
the director stumbled onto the wrong warner brothers set
2:08 PM he was probably thinking he was directing How I Met Your Mother or something
Coworker: throw your tv out the WINDOW
me: I AM ABOUT TO!!!!!!
2:09 PM Coworker: DO ITE ITHETOHDG
me: i am about to write, produce, direct, and star in a one-woman harry potter remake
i will be harry, ron, hermione, snape, voldemort, dumbledore and screw it, ill be hedwig too
2:10 PM Coworker: that would be actually sort of amaazing.
me: it can probably make at least off-off broadway
2:11 PM Coworker: will you do that and donate the proceeds to my marathon run
me: i will say i will
but then i will pocket the cash to reimburse myself
AND WHERE WAS THE PHOENIX SONG WHILE HARRY WAS BATTLING VOLDEMORT?!
screw you mike newell, SCREW YOU
2:13 PM Coworker: PHEEEENIXXX
I was living in New York when the final Harry Potter movie came out, and do you know how I remember this? Because the hype was hyping, and a few days before the movie was set to come out, I was riding the subway and noticed the girl standing in front of me (who was very much a girl... an overweight teenager) was carrying a blanket and pillow and talking about saving her place in line for a ticket to see the last Harry Potter movie, and I noticed that the tattoo on her calves were all Harry Potter related... crests from Hogwarts and pictures of phoenix birds and inscriptions of "Gryffindor" and I was SO APPALLED, it had only drove me further away from ever wanting to associate with this brand of crazy.
I was living in New York when the final Harry Potter movie came out, and do you know how I remember this? Because the hype was hyping, and a few days before the movie was set to come out, I was riding the subway and noticed the girl standing in front of me (who was very much a girl... an overweight teenager) was carrying a blanket and pillow and talking about saving her place in line for a ticket to see the last Harry Potter movie, and I noticed that the tattoo on her calves were all Harry Potter related... crests from Hogwarts and pictures of phoenix birds and inscriptions of "Gryffindor" and I was SO APPALLED, it had only drove me further away from ever wanting to associate with this brand of crazy.
Well now that I'm 4 1/2 books deep into the series... I'm not saying I'm running off to ink myself with a lightning bolt scar on my forehead, but I am saying that if an owl appeared to me with my acceptance letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry... well I would totally quit my job and go.
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