Life: XXXIX

I love Emily Dickinson. She is, by far, my favorite poet. After visiting Louisa May Alcott's childhood home and location of Little Women in Concord, Emily Dickinson's native Amherst has always been on my list of places to see in New England. I keep a copy of her complete works on my nightstand, and I find I can always find a new gem by her. Despite being a 19th century recluse from the East Coast, she has such relatable themes and emotions. I found this one not too long ago, and it still sticks with me:

I MEANT to have but modest needs
Such as content, and heaven;
Within my income these could lie,
And life and I keep even.

But since the last included both,
It would suffice my prayer
But just for one to stipulate,
And grace would grant the pair.

And so, upon this wise I prayed,—
Great Spirit, give to me
A heaven not so large as yours,
But large enough for me.

A smile suffused Jehovah’s face;
The cherubim withdrew;
Grave saints stole out to look at me,
And showed their dimples, too.

I left the place with all my might,—
My prayer away I threw;
The quiet ages picked it up,
And Judgment twinkled, too,

That one so honest be extant
As take the tale for true
That “Whatsoever you shall ask,
Itself be given you.”

But I, grown shrewder, scan the skies
With a suspicious air,—
As children, swindled for the first,
All swindlers be, infer.

Two lines continue to resonate with me: "I meant to have but modest needs" and "...give to me / A heaven not so large as yours / But large enough for me"

I feel a little guilty not only liking her, but keeping a collection of her works close by. She wrote for no one but herself, and on her death bed asked that all her writings be burned. I have to wonder who she told this to, because they turned around and published ALL of them, so I feel like they're some sort of blood poems. I always wonder if she wanted to burn them because they were too personal, or that she didn't have any faith in herself that they were good and was afraid of being judged. Makes me wonder about a lot of things in life.