Shantaram and Living On

Yesterday it got depressingly overcast, and then miserably rainy. It was Friday, and I was exhausted from a week of work, it made for the perfect storm of me feeling downcast and saddened. Alex and I went and picked up a coffee table off Craigslist for our place (which goes perfect with the jungle theme and overall decor) and then I went to bed, no music or Seinfeld to see me off to sleep, just the darkness of the room, the breeze of the fan and the sounds of the street below.

I woke up in the morning around 9:30, made coffee and came back to my room (I love having a room again with a door that closes and is separate from the living room!) and felt incredibly homesick. But maybe more nostalgic? The people and places I miss still exist, but of course not in the same capacity they used to. It's all better in your head, when things work out the way you want them too. Were I back home, the chances of me seeing these people and places regularly are so slim. Life is busy and everyone moves on and up, gets married and has little time for single friends.

On my bed with my coffee in hand, I opened up Shantaram and finished the last pages, officially completing the 933-page book! I completely recommend it to anyone, it's so well written, beautiful, insightful, and entertaining. One of the quotes, that completely stuck with me, I remembered as I closed the book and was reflecting on it:

"Most loves are like that ... Your heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you start throwing people out - your friends, everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take you down with it. I've seen that happen to a lot of girls here. That's why I'm sick of love."

That quote is not at all an accurate depiction of the book in its entirety, or even the boldest excerpt or any representation of the work as a whole, but it's one I liked and one I remembered, and wanted to share.

Tonight Alex and I are throwing a housewarming party, so I do have to prepare (mostly buy food and alcohol... there's not much to clean!) so I think it will be a great remedy to my homesickness today, to remind myself of the great adventure I'm on, of all the wonderful people I've met and continue to get to know, and those that make NYC home for me. As Shantaram says...

For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel. Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on.



And of course... Happy Birthday, Ryan. Twelve years I've known you and continue to know you! Cheers.