1. My Urban Dictionary Word of the Day email. I signed up to receive these every day from Urban Dictionary, the online dictionary where people are free to post new words or phrases they use. They always include the word in context and those are always what crack me up the most.
2. My Office desk calendar. For Christmas last year my sister gave me one of those daily tear-off desk calendars that is all quotes from the Office, and everyday I love reading the new one, it always makes me laugh and starts the day out well. You can imagine that by this time in the year I have already gone through tons of great quotes, but for Friday July 16, I just couldn't stop laughing and thinking about it and I have kept it at my desk for that reason and now I want the world to see it:
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
-Dwight
Humor keeps me going sometimes.
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